Saturday, January 28, 2012

Another turning point in my life

It's been a bit since I've written for this blog and I'm sure it's feeling a bit neglected. Saying I've been a busy has been an understatement, but still that is no excuse. I started up both of my blogs as a way to express myself and to get my name out there. As a writer, name recognition is extremely important, but at the same time it feels a bit strange to toot my own horn all of the time. I'm going to have to get over that and fast. If I keep staying in the shadows and lurking, I just might miss out on a few opportunities of a lifetime.  

As many of you already know, I've always been writing in one form of another. My poetry has been my lifeline over the last two years and I think I've grown as a writer because of it. Many of my poems were the inspiration for the novels in two of my current series. The Vixen, the Witch and the Daemon has spawned a whole new world and an entire series that I will call Songs of Fate. Creating that world is taking a lot of time, not to mention a lot of notebooks! I have to remember that I can't whip out a book a month with this story line or any other. I work full time as a veterinarian still and have other responsibilities such as my shop on Etsy.com.  Reading about how many other authors seem to be about to crank out their work at the speed of light, sometimes makes me feel inadequate. Well, maybe that's not the right word. I feel like I'm not committing myself completely to my craft and that makes me very sad and sometimes makes me go through a sort of writer's block.  As you can see, being blocked, makes the sadness even worse. 

I've thought long and hard about this. I gave 19 years to a wonderful career as a veterinarian and in the process put everything else on hold. It's time I take control again and find the balance so that I can devote more time to my writing and build a fan base.  I'm in a place in my life now, that I am able to do this because of my Muse/boyfriend. He makes it all possible for me to be able to not stress the small stuff...and some of the big stuff...and just write. He's my biggest fan and without him in my corner, I know I would still be holding myself back with the phrase "some day I will be able to write full time."  Well, that some day is going to be a lot sooner than I ever thought possible.

Don't get me wrong, I am proud to be a veterinarian and on most days I can say I really love my job, but the passion I had for it is no longer there. Early in my career, the world was so new and the opportunities open to me so vast that each day was an adventure. It's still enjoyable, but now more routine and yes, predictable.  Now my allergies are getting worse. I have to take diphenhydramine (benedryl) daily in order to walk into our hospital. We have a lot of rabbit and rodent patients and unfortunately they are the cause of my discomfort. I don't see them, but their dander and hair is still present and it's what I am allergic to. All of that is airborne and I can't escape it when I am at work. The last two months has been rather miserable with rashes and itchy skin. I may have to switch antihistamines to get some relief, but in the end the best course of action is to remove myself from the source.

Within the next six months to a year, I will be cutting my days back at the veterinary hospital. It's both sad and exciting to me at the same time. Saying goodbye to what has been a huge part of my life for such a long time hurts like hell. But if I don't do this, I will continue to say "some day" and put off the other things I wish to pursue in my life with my Mo Anam Cara, my Muse. He's opened a whole new world for me that I always knew existed, but was afraid to give it a go.  Now I can.  With him by my side, I can finally be me again.

Today I ordered print copies of my book of poetry and For the Love of Quinn. Within the next week I will have actual print copies of my work in my hands. I guess at that moment I will finally allow myself to acknowledge that I am a published author and people are reading my work...even on iTunes!  LOL!  Now to get back to work on my next masterpiece!

No comments:

Post a Comment