Saturday, July 30, 2011

Silent killer

      How many times have you been just wiped out during the day and just put it out of your mind thinking that you would just go to bed a little earlier that night and you would be fine?  How often do you get odd chest pains that you attribute to indigestion?  What about anxiety for no apparent reason?  If you are a woman, you should be paying very close attention to those symptoms.  You could be experiencing symptoms leading up to a heart attack.
      Did you know that one out of every three women die of heart disease and that it is the #1 killer of women in the United States?  I have read those figures before in disbelief.  How could that be?  Why is it that so many women don't notice the signs or chalk them up to something else entirely?  The biggest problem is that we all have the classic symptoms of a heart attack drilled into our heads and don't know that it is often totally different for women.  Even doctors have missed these symptoms and sent women home from emergency rooms, only to have these same women return later that night...if they are lucky.  Unfortunately, having the warning signs go unnoticed or ignored is oftentimes fatal. 
     My best friend recently complained of unexplained fatigue, her walks were getting harder to do and not easier, dizziness, and shortness of breath.  She has a myriad of other health concerns so she was on her way to the hospital anyway, but in the back of my mind I kept thinking she was passing another blood clot and I was beside myself with worry.  Well, over TWELVE HOURS later we finally get some answers:  heart attack caused by the blood clots they were trying to prevent. 
      She was in disbelief.  She thought she would know when she was having a heart attack and she didn't think she had any of the symptoms.  She didn't have that squeezing chest pain or pressure or the pain that spread to her left arm.  She did have the symptoms most common for women:  dizziness and the unexplained weakness and fatigue.  Other symptoms include indigestion or gas-like pain, discomfort between the shoulder blades, recurring chest discomfort and a sense of impending doom.
      Lucky for my friend, her doctors paid close attention to her symptoms and are watching her like a hawk, running all sorts of tests, and hopefully getting her out of that hospital and home to be with her family soon.  Lucky for me too.  Now that we know first hand what to watch for, there is no way we will miss any of the warning signs ever again.  In two weeks we will be flying home to Michigan to visit friends and family that we have not seen in years.  It wouldn't be a homecoming without having my Bestie there with me and I thank the gods that she got to the hospital in time.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Behind Closed Doors

I've started a second blog called Behind Closed Doors on  Check it out if you have the time and let me know what you think.  I may use that one for the more explicit topics I wish to blog about, but we shall see.  I still don't have enough time in the day to do what I would like to do.  I am off to do errands now and then back to the edits while making ribs for a gathering at the veterinary hospital tomorrow.  We are celebrating the long time dedication of several of our employees who have all reached over the 10 year mark.  One of them beats me out at 20 years!  I am so proud of our staff!

Here's the link to the new blog.  Hope to see you there!

Monday, July 25, 2011

Some of the poetry inspired by my Now and Forever series

Hello All!  I've been busy working on my final edits and a lot of memories came flooding back.  I was on an emotional roller coaster at the time I was writing most of For the Love of Quinn and plotting out the next books in the series.  I wrote a lot during that time and still try to put new ideas to paper as soon as they hit me.  Besides the novels, a lot of poetry flew out of me and I thought I would share a little of it here with you.  Let me know what you think.

Forever Love (Always and Forever)

His emerald green eyes burn into hers right from the start.
Why can’t she speak? Why can’t she breathe?
When he looks at her, all she feels
Is the relentless pounding of her heart.
Strange and yet so familiar the way he makes her feel.
It’s as if they’ve been together always and forever.

Too shy to open up her soul;
Scared of rejection and humiliation
She is unable to tell him.
Days turn into weeks.
Months turn into years…
But his eyes and smile still haunt her dreams
And continue to pull at her heart.
Always yearning, forever searching
For those smoldering eyes to pull her in.

Life goes on. People come and go.
But something has always been missing
From a life filled with fleeting moments of joy
And way too much pain.
Always yearning, forever searching
For the one who could make her feel whole.

Lady Fate steps in, no longer leaving it to chance.
She is tired of watching and waiting…
For Her two lost souls to join each other…
For the love that has always been
And forever will be.

She takes control to bring them together
No more waiting, no more searching.
His eyes burn into hers once again…
This time there is a confession, her soul naked and open.
Still afraid of rejection, but willing to take the chance
To be able to stop always yearning, forever searching.
For her heart knows what it wants and what it needs
Always and Forever.


Darkest Hour

The pain of a love lost yet again
Is all consuming and gut wrenching.
And yet we will continue to suffer through
And hold out all hope.
It seems never-ending
Until one day your heart finally listens to your head.
It’s time to close the door
And throw away the key.
Just in time because you’ve reached
The frayed end of your rope.

Even in that darkest hour
You still believe things could change.
He’ll come back,
Realize his mistake.
Beg you to listen to him
Pour out his pain and sorrow.
But before you know it
He is gone once again
Telling you he will call tomorrow.

In this your darkest hour
You finally see that tomorrow will never come
He will go back to the world he left you for.
Cutting you out once again,
Leaving you unable to ask why,
In shock, and numb.

In this your darkest hour
You finally see
He wants his cake and
He wants to eat it too.
He wants your support,
And unconditional love,
But never once will he
Return those things to you.

Instead he takes and takes and takes some more
Leaving you sobbing,
And waiting by the phone.
He returns over and over and over again
Claiming he still loves you.
But he instead leaves you bare
Battered and alone.

In this your darkest hour
Your eyes are wide open
And you finally see…
He will never love you as you love him,
Even when he pleads with you
On bended knee.
It’s all an act.
It’s all make believe.
It’s time for you to turn your back
And walk away.
No longer letting your heart be deceived.
In your darkest hour
You realize the truths you have ignored
Will truly be what sets your heart free.

In your darkest hour
You will find the peace and light
That will mend your soul.
The wounds laid open for months on end
Will begin to heal
And slowly allow you to become whole.

For now you can wake up from the nightmare
That you had convinced yourself
Was just a dream.
Now you can wake up to find
The one who will put you first,
Love, honor and cherish you…
He will be everything you need.


If I Only Knew

If I only knew that sharing my secrets would be so painful
And bring so many tears,
Would I still share them with you
After all of these years?

If I only knew that my heart would fall
So fast and so hard,
Would I still believe you
When you played the “I love you” card?

If I only knew that my head
Couldn’t control my heart,
Would I have told you years ago
That I loved you right from the start?

If I only knew that the signs telling us
We were meant to be,
Were more than just coincidence
Would I have fought so hard to keep
My love for you my secret fantasy?

If I only knew that your proclaimed feelings
For me were real and true…
Would I have resisted the idea
That she was over you?

If I only knew why you keep going back to her
And the pain she inflicts on your soul,
Would I have given up on our love so easily
Or allowed our passion for each other to overflow?

If I only knew that our time would come
Could I still hold on
Until you were sure
I was your only one?

If I only knew you would live up to
Your promises to start anew,
Would I spend all of my nights
Now dreaming of having to say
The final goodbye to you?

If I only knew what you were thinking,
What your heart was truly feeling…
Could I be strong enough to trust you again
When you claim what has always been yours?
Would I be strong enough to walk away
When you once again become unsure?

If I only knew how it would all turn out…
Would I still love you?

The answer is yes.
Without a doubt.


Saturday, July 23, 2011

When do you trust again?

      This question has been weighing heavily on my mind as of late.  I have met people throughout the years who always are trusting and give the benefit of the doubt to whoever crosses their path.  I used to be one of those people.  I used to believe in the fairy tales and love at first sight.  I dreamed that someday my prince would come and I would be swept off my feet to live in a beautiful home on a ranch with tons of animals where we would raise our half dozen kids and live happily ever after.  Then real life hit me full in the face...multiple times.
      I was the smart girl in school and oh so painfully shy.  Even so, I still had dreams about getting my first kiss, going on my first date, going to dances and the prom.  As the oldest of six kids, I looked forward to being the first to get to do all of those things.  Unfortunately, that was not to be the case.  Not only was I the shy one, but "the fat one" as well.  Boys didn't look at me as dating material, but more as their best friend, tutor, or a way to get "in" with one of my sisters. 
      Now I am not saying that there wasn't a couple boys here and there who really were interested in me for me and not those other things, but they were either too shy to tell me themselves, or I found it hard to believe that they would be interested in me.  Why would they when they could have one of my beautiful sisters on their arm?  It got a little easier to accept their interest when my sisters were in relationships of their own and no longer available, but there was still that little voice in my head saying "you are not good enough."
      I let my guard down when I met and started dating a guy from California.  At the time, I was living in my home state of Michigan and basically working 12-14 hour days six days a week.  I was burned out and needed a change.  When he told me he loved me, I believed him.  When he told me he wanted to get married and have more kids with me, I believed him.  I wanted that fairy tale and it looked like I was going to get it.  Well, the honeymoon was over within a month of me leaving all that I knew behind in Michigan to a very small town in Northern California.  After telling me daily that he loved me and couldn't live without me, he suddenly "didn't know what love was anymore."  What the hell?
       I gave up everything and ended up with nothing to show for it.  I was so ready to move back to Michigan and rebuild my life, but something kept me out here.  I didn't want to go back home and admit defeat.  So I got myself in the dating game once again.  This time, I was not going to be fooled.  I just wanted to date and have fun and nothing serious.  Good plan, right?  Wrong!  Are you starting to see a pattern?
      I can hear some of you saying, "Well, maybe you are looking in the wrong place?  Maybe you should try to look again at the guys from your past."  And wouldn't you know, I did just that.  Through the magic of Facebook you can be reunited with old friends and long lost loves.  Hours messaging online, texting and phone calls filled my days.  I couldn't believe that a guy that I had loved for over twenty-five years would still be interested in me, after all of this time.  It was too good to be true, and I should have listened to that little voice in my head that said "run away as fast as you can."  Instead I poured out my heart to my long lost friend about all the crap going on in my life particularly the failure of my marriage.  I felt lost and alone and this friend was there to pick up the pieces.  Unfortunately, after helping me mend my heart, he ripped it out of my chest and smashed it into a gazillion pieces.  I had trusted this man with secrets I had never told anyone, and he tossed me aside like a used kleenex. 
It's all sounding like one or two of my books...or at least it should be!  LOL

      So here I am today, wondering should I let my guard down again or not?  Should I give my heart to someone else again and risk getting it damaged beyond repair this time or should I keep it locked up and stay closed off?  Is it all worth it?


Why risk the heartache again?  Because without the heartache, there can be no love of a life time.  Without the loss, there can't be a "found."  If you don't take that chance and trust again, you will never find your now and forever.  So jump in with both feet and open your heart to all the possibilities.  You just might be surprised who will be right there beside you, holding your hand tight and yelling "Geronimo!"


Friday, July 22, 2011

Common Sense Isn't all the Common

      Ever have one of those days where you just want to shake people and yell, "What have you been smoking?"  As a veterinarian I have had the "pleasure" of experiencing those moments many times through the years.  My favorite has always been about a patient I had when I still lived and practiced in Michigan.  The adorable terrier puppy was brought in one day for a tick removal.  I went into the exam room and asked where the ticks were as I could not find one on his wiggly body. 
      The puppy's "Mom" looked at me like I was from outer space.  "Well, they are all along his belly.  Don't you see them?"  She then proceeded to point out the rows of nipples along his abdomen.
      "Those are not ticks.  They are nipples."
      "No, he can't have nipples.  He is a boy."
      This is where her husband finally pipes up.  "Honey, I am a boy and I have nipples."
      The poor woman burst into tears and hugged her dog tight.  I thought  she was just embarrassed and tried to calm her a bit, but she sobbed even harder.  "You don't understand!  I've been trying to twist them off for the last two days!" 

Ah, the memories are flowing now...
      The answering service paged me at two am.  Lucky me, it was my night on call.  One of my clients was hysterical on the phone.  She had tried to bathe her cat and now he was covered in blood and the owner couldn't find where it was coming from.
      "Mrs. Green, why were you trying to bath Smokey?"  I was still a bit groggy and needed her to give more information before I agreed to meet her down at the clinic.
      "Well, you told me he had fleas when we saw you for his appointment this afternoon.  I wanted to get rid of the fleas.  I couldn't stop thinking about them crawling all over him and me."
       "We put the flea medication on him today.  You didn't have to bathe him.  The medication would kill all the fleas and as long as you keep applying it monthly, you will help keep Smokey from getting more."
       "Where's all the blood coming from?"  I could see her near panic, with her hair in curlers and ready to jump in the car in a flash if I told her to do so.
      "Remember the demonstration today with the flea comb?"
      "And how the white paper towel turned bloody red when I put the water on the flea dirt from the comb?"
       "Yes, but what's that got to do with Smokey?"  I waited a few extra beats and then heard a sharp intake of breath on the other end of the line.  "Oh, so the water made all the fleas explode?"     LOL

Here's another one for you...
       "Mr. Avery, you really should have Knuckles neutered soon.  He is getting old enough to breed and may decide to take a liking to Gemma."
       "He wouldn't do that.  Gemma is his Momma."
       "It doesn't matter to the dogs, Mr. Avery.  When Gemma is in heat, Knuckles will be very interested."
       "She won't let him breed her.  She's his Momma.  That's incest and she knows better."
       Four months later, Gemma is in the clinic for X-rays.  "Well, there are at least five puppies in there.  Which male did she breed with this time?"  I had a good idea, but kept my face neutral. 
       "I have no idea, Doc.  Ain't been no other dog around but Knuckles.  He ain't been with her that way.  He's her son!"  No matter how I tried to explain it, he wouldn't believe me.  When the pups were born and all looked like Knuckles, Mr Avery was still dumbfounded.  "Well, the Good Lord must have heard that I wished I had a few more pups like Knuckles and he granted me my wish with an Immaculate Conception." 

How many times have you been in the airport behind someone who simply refuses to read the gazillion signs posted throughout the airport about what is allowed and what is not allowed in a carry on bag?
      "I'm sorry but you cannot have the super sized bottle of shampoo and conditioner in your carry on bag.  You can only have three ounce containers."
      "I have always been able to bring these with me when I fly.  Why wasn't I informed of this?"
      "It's been a regulation since 2001.  When was the last time you flew?"

Or the woman who insisted on wearing shoes that laced all the way up her leg and couldn't understand why she had to take them off to go through security? 
       "I'm sorry, miss.  You will have to remove your shoes and put them in the bin to go through the X-ray."
       "Do you have any idea how long it took me to get these laced up properly?  I'm not taking them off."
       "I can't allow you to go any further unless you remove your shoes and put them in the bin to be scanned."
       "I paid $300 for these shoes.  I am not letting them out of my sight."
       "Well, you and your shoes can head over to the security area to your right.  If you are lucky, you may make the next flight out to your destination." 

I know I am not the only one with my laptop out of it's case and in a separate bin to go through the x-ray unit, my shoes and coat off and my ID and boarding pass out, but why the hell am I always stuck behind those people who don't?   Finally, why do people who have seats in the back of the plane always try to store their luggage in the bins in the front of the plane?  I am thinking that there should be an electric shock given to those people when they try to use a bin over a seat that is not assigned to them.  A good shock and an announcement.  "Mr. David Johnson has brought on a carry on bag that is too big for the over head bins and has tried to put it in an area where it is not allowed.  What do we think of that folks?"

A little public shaming never hurt anyone did it?  LMAO

What are some of your experiences where Common Sense is not so common? 

Thursday, July 21, 2011

First blog!

Hello all!  Welcome to my first blog here at "Not Enough Time in the Day"  I have been feeling a bit stressed out as of late so I thought what better title for my blog than that.  I may change it later so if you have any suggestions please feel free to drop me a line.

Right now I am getting down to the wire finishing the final edits for my very first novel For the Love of Quinn.  It will be the first book in my Now and Forever series and has been my "baby" for the last couple of years.  I have started and stopped working on it several times, but finally got it out to the publisher.  I was thrilled beyond belief when I received the email saying they wanted me to join their family of authors.  What a wonderful group they are too!

Working 10 hour days as a veterinarian and trying to get in time writing has been challenging at times, but somehow I managed.  When the idea for a scene strikes, I have to get it down on paper as soon as possible so I don't lose the moment in my head.   There is just too much rattling around in there to be perfectly honest! ;)  I have learned to make sure that I have at least one little notebook with me at all times to jot down my ideas and then worry about where they will go later.  Sometimes it's just a conversation between characters that pops into my head, or a long drawn out narrative of a scene that I want to build upon later.  Of course a hell of a lot of those notes and narratives haven't made it out of the notebooks yet, but one day they will!

For the Love of Quinn introduces several characters that will be in the next books of this series and I hope you all come to love them  as much as I do.  Our heroine, Quinn Hollis is a veterinary surgeon who finds herself in love with two men.  Both of them have a hold on her heart, but who wins it in the end remains to be seen.  Steve Eischer is the Vegas tycoon who sweeps Quinn off of her feet right from the moment they meet.  Jacob Hartley is the classic bad boy who sets her heart and mind racing whenever he is near.  She loves them both and when she thinks she has picked the one she wants, the other won't let her go.

So come along!  See who you think Quinn should choose and who will end up finding their always and forever in the next books in the series.  Oh and of course there will be a lot of hot sex!   LOL!

Wildfire Romance Series