Tuesday, October 29, 2013

The #FatChick Deals With Another #Annoying Witch of #Menopause #MyWANA

Welcome back to my weekly segment detailing my journey to get my over forty life and health back on track. Last week I discussed the lovely ladies, The Seven Witches of Menopause. Today I'd like to introduce you to their mother "Ima Noyd."

When I was younger, Ms. Ima never visited for very long. Sure she'd stop in once every couple months and cast her spell over me. While enchanted by her "charms," every little thing others did around me annoyed the hell out of me, grating on my last nerve. Back then, a few Long Islands—okay, SEVERAL, could get me through it all and I'd be able to move on.

Not. So. Now.

At the stroke of midnight on my fortieth birthday, Ima Noyd started making regular visits. With each passing year, she's stayed longer and longer until now, only 1 1/2 months shy of my forty-seventh birthday, she's taken up permanent residence. 

I'm annoyed by anything and everyone. I don't play favorites. If it's not a client ignoring my recommendations and going to Dr. Google's advice, it's people tagging me in photos on Facebook or spamming my emails, Twitter and other social media with their links to their books. I get they want to get their name and work out there, but it would be nice if some of these folks actually tried to have a conversation with me a time or two before I get hit with commercials.

My husband's work/sleep schedule is the opposite of mine. I end up getting angry at the poor guy for falling asleep within thirty minutes of me getting home from work. It's not his fault he's in the military and has to get up at the crack of dawn to head in to work. It's not his fault I work afternoons and evenings. Good thing is both of us are getting off this crazy train come May/June 2014. RETIREMENT!!! 

I'm annoyed by coworkers who refuse to pick up their share of the workload and then complain when no one will help them out when they're behind. I've spent the last six and half years with some of these folks and they have yet to see they're the problem. Staff meeting after staff meeting we discuss this crap and still nothing changes. These same folks get up and talk about how much they've improved since they've been with us and I just want to vomit.  This sort of thing makes me sad. Why on earth do I have this reaction to people voicing their own opinion?

That of course annoys me too. LOL!

This Mother of All Witches has me so riled up all the time I can't stand myself. I'm sure I'm at the top of everyone's most annoying person list. That's only fair. I'll own that and continue to try to change it. In the meantime...

The top of my annoyance list these days are:

  • people who "like" my pages on Facebook and demand I do it in return
  • people who send me direct/private messages with links to buy their books
  • new authors who've yet to publish anything demanding a professional editor work on their manuscript for free and then have the nerve to say if they like the editor's work, they'll allow them to do the second book. Yeah this one happened to one of my friends. 
  • authors in other genres trying to dictate what is and is not a romance or erotic romance in particular. Same goes for any genre. I would never presume to tell those who write science fiction they're doing it wrong. LOL!
  • people who hijack my social media pages with their own agenda. Do it on your own pages and leave mine alone...unless I invite you to use my space. Then game's on!
  • owners of my furbaby patients who argue with me about veterinary medicine. Just because it's on the Internet doesn't make it fact! 
  • people who come in for their first free exam of their pet, decline all recommendations and then call up at least once a week with a new problem. Of course they don't want to come in for another exam. They want me to diagnose what's wrong with their pet over the phone and to just allow them to pick up medication for it...all at no charge of course. You know, since I took an oath.  WTF-ever! 

Overall, I've realized this is just way too much to be ticked off about 24/7. I have too much going on to waste time on this bunk. It's time to cut it all out and tell Ms. Ima Noyd she's not welcome around here no more!

When someone or something drives me up a wall from now on, I'm going make a concerted effort to just avoid it and concentrate on myself. All the stress from being annoyed all the time isn't doing me any favors when it comes to keeping my blood sugar down. I can't have that. I need to strive to relieve my stress load ASAP!

I'm learning a lot about myself on this get well journey of mine. Stress raises my blood pressure and sends my blood sugar up much higher than it should be with just a simple meal or snack. The more stress I experience, the more tempted I am to start snacking. I don't want to ruin the hard work done and regain any of the pounds I've lost so far. 

So Ima Noyd. You are no longer welcome here! ;)

Until next week, my friends


Tuesday, October 22, 2013

The Seven Witches of #Menopause Fly Through the World of the #FatChick #MyWANA

Welcome back to my weekly feature Memoirs of a Forty Something Fat Chick. I'm Tammy, the Fat Chick in question. I'm using these posts to document my journey to create a leaner, meaner healthier ME. Of course, making fun of myself along the way it the best part. I mean, if you can't laugh at yourself, what's the point?

Last week I talked about peri-menopause and and the bane of every over forty year old woman's existence: the hot flash. Not only does this broad suffer from them, I get the added bonus of having Aunt Flo come at the same time! Oy! 

If that wasn't bad enough, perimenopause and menopause come with yet even more surprises: The Seven Witches of Menopause
Created by AwarenessBeyondArt

Before I move on with the discussion, I want to give credit to the artist who created this computer generated image above. Not only does it accurately depict all the personalities unleashed while my hormones are raging out of control, she's created many more designs that are for sale in her Zazzle Shop. Check it out! When she has this design up and running, I'm getting me several shirts and other bits of swag. :)

Back to the topic at hand...the seven witches. Now with my diabetes and my diuretic for my blood pressure, I've become the Itchy Witch on 'roids. I swear I've gone through more back scratchers than I can count and my hubby has worn his fingers to nubs trying to keep my back itch free. Poor thing. :)

Bitchy Witch. Oh how I love thee! LOL She came out from the first day Aunt Flo started her visits with me and hasn't left since. With each passing year she gets bitchier and bitchier. She's the one I rely on to get me through any situation with her smart ass attitude and sassy comebacks.  Pssst...I'll let you in on a little secret. This Witch pretty much has free reign in my life ALL the time. Bwahahahaha!

Sweaty Witch. Hot flashes rule this poor dear's world whether it's during the day or at night. Tossing and turning, soaked in sweat and then freezing my ass off. Yeah she's a real charmer! I have to stock up on those little portable fans and batteries to keep them running. When I can't take those with me, I'll have to settle for manual labor—snap open one of those fancy little buggers and wave away boys! hehehe

Sleepy Witch. The constant fatigue had been simply wearing me down. That is, until I finally got my butt to the doctor and found out the diabetes was contributing to this too. When my hormones are raging out of control, I can fall asleep at the drop of a hat and then continue to sleep for hours and hours. I'll get up to empty the teeny bladder of mine and then hit the pillow once again for a few more hours. Before I knew it, I was sleeping the day away and then up all night. Not good.  This witch can find her own pillow to crash on. I don't have time for her nonsense!

Bloated Witch. When the hell did I turn into my mother? Before she went through "the change," Ma bloated up three times her size every single time she ate anything...and I mean ANYTHING. I always felt so badly for her as she is this tiny wisp of a thing. As soon as she'd eat, she'd be busting out of her pants. Not a very attractive look, but she dealt with it.  Now it's my turn. Over the last three years it's been happening to me. So not loving this witch!

Forgetful Witch.  I have to say as soon as I turned forty nearly seven years ago I began to have trouble remembering things that happened two days ago and even an hour before, but I can remember every single detail of some part of my life that happened over twenty years ago.  I guess the forgetful one forgets when she's supposed to make my memory full of holes. Go figure. LOL

Psycho Witch. This is the big sister of Bitchy. Once wound up, there's no escaping her wrath. It's best to avoid her at all costs. However, she can be defused with chocolate and anything salty. You'll do yourself and everyone around you if you have a supply of Snickers handy when this Witch roars to life. 

Even with all these fabulous "ladies" keeping me company, I've managed to stick to my meal and exercise plans. Although still over 100, my blood sugar is becoming more regulated and steady instead of wild swings up and down. I've lost a total of sixteen pounds so far and have more energy, less joint pain and a hell of a lot less migraines. No longer am I nearly passing out when I stand up too fast.

All in all I'd say this Fat Chick is on her way to a smokin' hot Curvy Broad!

Until next time my lovelies!

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

The #FatChick Asks: "Who The Heck Turned Up the Heat?" #MyWANA #aging

Welcome back to this week’s edition of Memoirs of the Forty Something Fat Chick. For those of you who’re visiting for the first time, I’m Tammy…The Fat Chick. Each week I share a bit of my journey to get healthy. As an over forty woman, I’ve had to deal with many issues I never dreamed of having to deal with when I was a teenager or in my twenties. What other age group has to deal with bladder control issues, loss of hearing, vision, and hormones raging out of control?

Speaking of hormones, which one of my ancestors pissed off the wrong deity causing me to be cursed with both “Aunt Flo” and hot flashes?  I mean, give me a BREAK! It’s bad enough to have the monthly terror, but to have to suffer with hot flashes too is just beyond cruel.  The political correct term for this “condition” is perimenopause.  To me, it’s the Devil’s Teeter Totter. First you’re hot, then cold. One minute you’re on top of the world, and the next you’re in deep despair. Everything is sunshine and roses, and then it’s all gloom and doom. 

Having had to deal with being teased with menopause for the last TWENTY years…yes, twenty, I’m used to being slammed every month with this chaos, but nothing prepared me for the intensity of the raging inferno that is my body at forty six. I’m a bit scared to find out what’s going to happen when I do actually start full on menopause. At the same time, I look forward to it. I’ll deal with the carrying my own portable fan around as long as “Aunt Flo” is kicked to the curb!

Yesterday, while in full on busy “Dr. Tammy” mode, I was hit with a flash so intense, I nearly blacked out. My skin couldn’t get rid of the heat fast enough and turned a nice cherry red. Lucky for me, the owner of the cute little kittens I was trying to examine recognized what was “attacking” me…besides her fur balls. She’d been through chemo the year before and had suffered from these buggers the entire time. Immediately she grabbed a magazine and started fanning me. Her husband joined in too.  The three of us laughed until I damn near pissed my pants. Gotta love my clients!

Of course it wouldn’t take much laughing to make me lose control of my bladder. Hehehe. That topic has already been covered here in previous weeks so I won’t go into it again today, but it doesn’t mean I won’t talk about it again another time! Bwahahahaha….oh damn it!  Take a moment to talk among yourselves. I’ll be right back. ;)

Now where were we? 

Oh yes, back to the raging furnace that’s awakened in my innards now in my forties. I found a fun video featuring this very subject and it’s the inspiration for the title of my blog post today.  She touches upon all the mess running through my body right now. 

Instead of lamenting the pain in the backside perimenopause has become for me now, I’m going to embrace it and celebrate the roller coaster of hormones zipping through me. What better way to do that then to DANCE!

So there you have it. I have a new dance to help me get through the hot flashes and give me a great cardio workout to boot! 

Speaking of workouts, I’m stepping them up this week. My blood pressure is more under control with my medication and I’m learning exactly what foods I need to eat and in what combinations during the day to help me regulate my diabetes…all without insulin! Now if I can find a fix for that tiny bladder of mine…

Until next week, my fellow flashers!

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

The #FatChick Asks: What the Hell Happened to My Glasses and Why's the Print So Small? #MyWANA #ASMSG

Welcome back to my weekly Memoirs of a Forty Something Fat Chick. I'm sure you all can figure out I'm "The Fat Chick," aka Tammy. Each week I'm detailing my journey to better health. Along the way I'm finding the humor in all that comes with being fat, over forty and dealing with medical issues. 

This week's question: When did everyone start using the ultra small fine print?

My body went to hell the instant I turned forty. Not only did my bladder shrink down to the size of a walnut, my vision went from bad to worse. I kid you not. One moment my bi-focals worked just fine and the next I'm struggling to drive looking through the higher magnification part of the lenses. 

And let's not forget about my hearing! I swear it was like someone turned down the volume and lost the remote. The only time I hear well is when I have my stethoscope in my ears and I'm listening to the heart and lungs of my patients.  Looks like a hearing aide is on the horizon for this almost forty-seven year old broad. Yip. Eee. (cue the voice dripping with sarcasm).

If anything else breaks down, I'm going to have to seriously consider retiring earlier than my hubby and I had planned. I mean, what good is a legally blind and deaf veterinarian? If I can't see for shit without the aid of super ultra magnifying lenses crafted by scientists with only the highest security clearance, nor hear without the assistance of listening devices that rival those used by the CIA, what's the point of keeping up the pretense?

Okay so it's not to that point...yet. I've still got enough sass to keep the "kids" at work on their toes. Kudos to me for making them all talk louder by using the tried and true method.  I ignore them until they talk louder. I mean I really can't hear two thirds of what they mumble, so if they want me to respond, they better SPEAK UP! 

My hearing and vision are just two more things I can take care of to make life a bit easier...and for those around me too. Who wants to hear me ask them to repeat what they just said two, three and four times? Now I know how my Dad felt when his hearing started to go on him. I'm sure it was a blessing in a house full of teenagers, but not so much in a crowded room at a family function with everyone talking at once.  Sigh...

Well, on to some fabulous news about my fitness program.  I'm down 13 pounds since I started three weeks ago. I'm checking my blood glucose (sugar) level before and after meals and at bedtime. This started after my first diabetes class last week. What an eye opener!

I learned many of the ailments I've had over the last six months, at least, have all been due to my diabetes. The intensely itchy skin, out of control migraines, dizzy spells, GI issues, debilitating fatigue, all due to high blood sugar.  Carbs are not my friend, but they're not my enemy either. I have to retrain myself on portion control and plan for those special days like birthdays so I can partake in cake for example. There has to be a trade off, just like with everything in life.

I've discovered the wonderful world of low carb versions of my favorite food like the Everything Bagel, flat bread and multi-grain bread, tortilla and milk. Yep. I found a milk product that's higher in protein and half the carbs per serving than skim milk. Whoohoo!

I tried the sugar substitute Truvia. I'm not impressed but willing to keep using it to help me decrease the amount of real sugar I add to things like my tea and some cereals.  

The best thing?  SPAGHETTI SQUASH!  Who knew?  Well, I'm sure all of you knew it, but I was the goofball who never tried it until this last weekend. I made a simple shrimp scampi, balsalmic and scotch mushrooms to go along with the squash. Yummo!

Well, that's all for this week my lovelies. I'll check back in next week to give you more details on the nutty world of this Forty Something Fat Chick.


Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Ode to the Forty Something Year Old Bladder of This #FatChick #MyWANA #ASMSG

Welcome to this week's edition of Memoirs of a Forty Something Fat Chick. I'm Tammy..."the fat chick" and each week I'm detailing my journey through finding my way to better health. This week I thought I'd fill you in on part of my life I'm sure many women can relate to...the inability to go without a bathroom for more than a few hours, if that.

That's right. I'm talking about the good old bladder control issues, squirting when you sneeze or laugh too hard, or just take a deep breath. It's bad enough my bladder shrank by 50% the INSTANT I turned 40, but now at 46 with diabetes AND a diuretic on board I can't be more than 100 yards from a bathroom at any given moment!

My friends and family used to make a joke that we couldn't pass a rest area without me having to ask to stop. Before I turned forty, it really wasn't much of an issue. Scratch that. I have to say it started in my late thirties...sort of like peri-menopause (topic for another post!). Before the actual bladder shrinkage and leakage age, my body thought it would give me practice having to always know the nearest bathroom location wherever I happened to be.

Now here I am at a point in my life where I already own stock in the Poise Pads company and my trips to the loo have more than doubled. I drank plenty of water before diabetes entered my life. Combine that with having to take the diuretic for my blood pressure and you see my dilemma.

The commercials on television, although funny as hell don't help matters. For one, laughing during them usually brings on a "little" accident. LOL! Come to think about it, I bet those companies do those commercials on purpose. Bastards! LOL  Here's one that used to get me giggling all the time.

Hopefully, as my weight loss plan continues on it's merry way, I'll get more control over my bladder. My goal is to be able to stop taking the diuretic and get my blood sugar regulated back to normal. That would mean no insulin injections in my future..bonus! It also means I'll stop chugging so much water. I swear my back teeth are floating most of the time. ;)

I do have good news. I've lost a total of ten pounds so far in these two weeks since I got my ass in gear. I've been checking my blood every morning and can tell if I had too many carbs the night before. There's no hiding the fact when the numbers pop up on the One Touch.

Tomorrow I have my Diabetes Management class. Hubby informed me he took the day off to be able to go with me. Wow. I didn't expect that but that's just one more reason why I love the man. He said, "I got to be there for my boo. I want to be sure she's with me for another 50 years."

Me too, honey. Me too.

Until next time,

Wildfire Romance Series