Tuesday, October 22, 2013

The Seven Witches of #Menopause Fly Through the World of the #FatChick #MyWANA

Welcome back to my weekly feature Memoirs of a Forty Something Fat Chick. I'm Tammy, the Fat Chick in question. I'm using these posts to document my journey to create a leaner, meaner healthier ME. Of course, making fun of myself along the way it the best part. I mean, if you can't laugh at yourself, what's the point?

Last week I talked about peri-menopause and and the bane of every over forty year old woman's existence: the hot flash. Not only does this broad suffer from them, I get the added bonus of having Aunt Flo come at the same time! Oy! 

If that wasn't bad enough, perimenopause and menopause come with yet even more surprises: The Seven Witches of Menopause
Created by AwarenessBeyondArt

Before I move on with the discussion, I want to give credit to the artist who created this computer generated image above. Not only does it accurately depict all the personalities unleashed while my hormones are raging out of control, she's created many more designs that are for sale in her Zazzle Shop. Check it out! When she has this design up and running, I'm getting me several shirts and other bits of swag. :)

Back to the topic at hand...the seven witches. Now with my diabetes and my diuretic for my blood pressure, I've become the Itchy Witch on 'roids. I swear I've gone through more back scratchers than I can count and my hubby has worn his fingers to nubs trying to keep my back itch free. Poor thing. :)

Bitchy Witch. Oh how I love thee! LOL She came out from the first day Aunt Flo started her visits with me and hasn't left since. With each passing year she gets bitchier and bitchier. She's the one I rely on to get me through any situation with her smart ass attitude and sassy comebacks.  Pssst...I'll let you in on a little secret. This Witch pretty much has free reign in my life ALL the time. Bwahahahaha!

Sweaty Witch. Hot flashes rule this poor dear's world whether it's during the day or at night. Tossing and turning, soaked in sweat and then freezing my ass off. Yeah she's a real charmer! I have to stock up on those little portable fans and batteries to keep them running. When I can't take those with me, I'll have to settle for manual labor—snap open one of those fancy little buggers and wave away boys! hehehe

Sleepy Witch. The constant fatigue had been simply wearing me down. That is, until I finally got my butt to the doctor and found out the diabetes was contributing to this too. When my hormones are raging out of control, I can fall asleep at the drop of a hat and then continue to sleep for hours and hours. I'll get up to empty the teeny bladder of mine and then hit the pillow once again for a few more hours. Before I knew it, I was sleeping the day away and then up all night. Not good.  This witch can find her own pillow to crash on. I don't have time for her nonsense!

Bloated Witch. When the hell did I turn into my mother? Before she went through "the change," Ma bloated up three times her size every single time she ate anything...and I mean ANYTHING. I always felt so badly for her as she is this tiny wisp of a thing. As soon as she'd eat, she'd be busting out of her pants. Not a very attractive look, but she dealt with it.  Now it's my turn. Over the last three years it's been happening to me. So not loving this witch!

Forgetful Witch.  I have to say as soon as I turned forty nearly seven years ago I began to have trouble remembering things that happened two days ago and even an hour before, but I can remember every single detail of some part of my life that happened over twenty years ago.  I guess the forgetful one forgets when she's supposed to make my memory full of holes. Go figure. LOL

Psycho Witch. This is the big sister of Bitchy. Once wound up, there's no escaping her wrath. It's best to avoid her at all costs. However, she can be defused with chocolate and anything salty. You'll do yourself and everyone around you if you have a supply of Snickers handy when this Witch roars to life. 

Even with all these fabulous "ladies" keeping me company, I've managed to stick to my meal and exercise plans. Although still over 100, my blood sugar is becoming more regulated and steady instead of wild swings up and down. I've lost a total of sixteen pounds so far and have more energy, less joint pain and a hell of a lot less migraines. No longer am I nearly passing out when I stand up too fast.

All in all I'd say this Fat Chick is on her way to a smokin' hot Curvy Broad!

Until next time my lovelies!


  1. Rock n Roll girlfriend! You've GOT THIS!

    1. Thank you! I'm plugging away every day and actually enjoying coming up with new ways to keep active and change the meals up to be lower in carbs. Hubby is loving it too. He's lost a couple pounds and is strutting around. LOL


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