The Battle Rages On and the Pain Cuts Deep: #SufferInSilence with Compassion Fatigue

Hello my friends. I hope you're all doing well. I come to you today with a heavy heart and soul. As many of you know, I'm a veterinarian in my "real" life. I've been at this job for over 23 years, through many highs and lows. Right now I'm about as low as I can get. 

Working in an emergency veterinary hospital has taken it's toll on me. I thought I'd be able to cope with just two days a week there and the rest with another general practice hospital. It's not working out as I'd envisioned. Over the last two weeks alone, I've had to end the pain and suffering of twenty patients. One shift...yes that's one 12 hour shift SEVEN of them came in at once. All from different families. All for different reasons. It was bad enough that one of the other families in the lobby burst into tears with having to witness the heartache of those who had to say goodbye to their pets.

Take a moment and think about that scene. This family who had no contact with those pets were crushed with the sadness. My techs helped me with those patients. They were able to rotate so not one had to do them all. I was the lone person who had the task to euthanize each and every one. 

I use my poetry as a form of therapy to help me express the emotions swirling around in my mind when I can no longer speak through the tears.

Suffer in Silence

The Noblest of Professions

Calls to those with caring hearts.

No one tells you about the secret

That will tear your soul apart.

Bit by bit it eats away at your humanity.

To survive you must shut off your emotions

Or your mind gives up

And crosses over into insanity.

Happy, joyous occasions

Become fewer and farther between.

As our patients grow older,

Their bodies become frail and lean.

Still we’re expected to soldier on,

With a smile on our face. N

Never mind the price we must pay

With each and every case.

By our hands one more life is ended.

Their pain they suffer no more.

But who grieves for us

When yet another is carried through the door?

The Noblest of Professions…

That much is true.

Would anyone want to still be a part of it

If they knew what they’d be asked to do?

Ending another’s suffering comes at a price

That in the end is far too steep.

Could you stand by as the end draws near

And not allow yourself to weep?

Someone must take up the mantle.

Someone must know what to say

To those whose pets suffer so,

Whose broken lives must end today.

The members of the Noblest of Professions

Die a little every day.

We remember each life we’ve held in our hands

The loss of our hearts is the price we must pay.

The Noblest of Professions must carry on

And Suffer in Silence.

To do anything else would make them appear

Self-absorbed, uncaring, and defiant.

Truth of the matter is

We suffer every day.

We carry the burden.

Our compassion is the other price we must pay.

Will you take up the mantle?

Could you die a little every day?

Will you heed the call of the Noblest of Professions

Even knowing the price you must pay?

©Tammy Dennings Maggy June 13, 2016

The hardest part of this job is holding these lives in my hands and letting them go. Yes I know I'm ending their pain and suffering. I know their quality of life is poor and they're no longer enjoying life as a happy, carefree pet. I know this and that's how I'm able to perform the task...

Asking me to do it over and over and over again during the same shift or even within a couple days is more than I can bear. It's more than anyone should have to bear. 

Before you stand up and shout, "It's your job" put yourself in my shoes for one moment. Put yourself in the shoes of the family in the lobby the night so many pets came in for their last goodbyes. The ages of these animals range from very young to ancient. Some have lived long lives filled with love and others have known only sickness and pain in their short lives.

Being their advocate takes compassion, courage, strength and love. Unfortunately there isn't an unlimited well from which we can draw from to keep filled with all we need to help those who cannot speak for themselves. THIS is what wears us down. THIS is why we burn out. THIS is why veterinarians have now surpassed all other medical professions as having the highest suicide rate.

I've battled depression since my pre-teens. This is so much more.

The nightmares are the worst. Tired all the time? That's part of my traveling for work and trying to be all things to all people—or is it?

Looking at that list I'm sure all of us can relate to at least half of the symptoms but how many of you have a job where you have to continue to buck up and soldier on?

I'm not asking for your pity. 

I'm asking you to look after your loved ones who are members of medical professions where they have to deal with life and death on a daily basis. Get them to take time off even for just a weekend away. Find support groups for them and for you so you will know how to help get them through.

Until next time, 

The Fat Chick 

Closing in On the Big Five Oh: #FatChick Zips Through the Last Year of Her Forties

I've had more than a few people ask me if I'm freaked out about turning fifty later this year. They're always shocked to hear my answer...

I. Can't. WAIT!!!!

For me, turning fifty is a huge milestone to be celebrated and not feared. While there are some things I would have done differently in my life, I wouldn't change the overall outcome. My experiences shaped who I am today. Literally and figuratively.

The heartache and pain I've lived through has made me a stronger woman, one who doesn't take anyone's shit. On the other hand, those same experiences have created walls around me. I don't trust people easily. Not anymore. I've found myself in situations where I've placed my love and trust in people who used me for their own gain. They took what I was more than willing to give to them and left me in the cold.

As a result, I no longer take someone at face value. I don't open up  or let anyone into my inner circle right off the bat. They have to earn it. Sorry if that offends anyone, but when you get stomped on, lied to and lied about it's a necessary evil.

At fifty years old, I can finally get around those questions about having kids. I wasn't able to get pregnant after YEARS of trying with my first husband. He refused to go to the doctor to see if he was the problem. It was just one of many things that ended the marriage but another lesson learned on my part.

My current husband is my soul mate. Together we learned having children isn't in the cards for us and we've accepted it. We've talked about adoption but when we looked long and hard at our lives, TOGETHER we decided we don't wish to have children. Now that I'm approaching fifty, I won't have to deal with those who feel I'm being selfish for not having kids. I don't have to deal with the women who pity me for not being able to experience the joy of carrying my own child. At this age, if I were to get pregnant I could put my life and that of my unborn child in danger. Sorry, but going through a high risk pregnancy just so I can join the parenthood club would be the ultimate selfish act. 

I'm in the stage of my life where I can be selfish in other areas. I've worked hard in my career as a veterinarian and now as an author, poet and publisher. This is the time of my life where all the hard work is beginning to pay off.

This is the time where I'm once again taking charge of my health—a never-ending quest to lose weight, keep my diabetes under control, and enjoy all life has to offer. At forty-nine going on fifty, I've actually paid my dues and EARNED the right to slow down and enjoy my life. 

Turning fifty will be the celebration to kick off the next phase of my professional and personal lives. Veterinary medicine will take the back seat to my writing. Both will stand in line behind my plans to see more of this country. There is so much I want to experience and it's all out there. All I have to do is take the leap of faith and have a ball!

Follow your dreams!

~The Fat Chick

The #FatChick Asks: What's with the #bodyshaming, Cheryl?

I'm sure many of you have heard about the comments from former super model, Cheryl Tiegs concerning the plus sized model who graces the latest Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition. Apparently, Ms. Tiegs has earned a medical degree some time in the decades she last graced the cover and feels that Ashley Graham shouldn't be there because she's "not healthy".

Her criteria? Anyone with a waist that's not less than 35 inches isn't healthy. Where did she get that bullsh...information? Dr. Oz of course. And we all know how often Dr. Oz's advice has been shown to be "out there"...at least 80% of the time. 

Let's look at it from another angle. Ms. Tiegs feels she can tell by a photo that Ashley's waist size is not less than 35 inches. If she would have bothered to check her facts, she would have determined that Ashley's waist is actually 30 inches. See all her measurements HERE. So based on her own guidelines (and that of Dr. Oz), Ashley is in fact healthy.

By making her snap judgments, Cheryl has shown her true colors. She's part of the problem in this country. What is it with women attacking other women for their appearance? We finally put a woman with real, HEALTHY curves on a cover of a magazine looking smokin' HAWT in a bikini and she's labeled unhealthy by someone who made a living being flatter chested and stick thin.

Did you see what I did there? Don't let me get away with it. I just body shamed the Cheryl out of anger for her crap about Ashley. It's not acceptable to slam thinner folks either.

I'm not a healthy 49 year old. By medical standards I'm considered morbidly obese. My ideal weight should be around 150 pounds. I used to weigh 350. I've lost 100 pounds but still 100 from my ideal. Ashley's cover is the photo I put up on my fridge as inspiration because I'd "kill" to have her curves.

I'm going to do my best to get there!

~The Fat Chick (aka Tammy)

Change is in the Air! The #FatChick is Movin' in Another Direction for 2016

Hi Ho, Guys and Dolls! Did you miss me? It's been a rough few months of crazy veterinarian schedules, writer's block, health scares and plain old exhaustion but now I'm ready to dive back into my blogs.

With all I've gone through, you would think I'd want to curl up in a ball and escape the world for a year or two, but Lady Fate has other plans for me. The scene where fictional cast of Seattle Grace works their butts off to save their friend is one I've had to deal with as a veterinarian far too often. In the show, they saved Callie. In real life, my colleagues and I weren't so lucky with a few of our critical patients. It's hard to accept there will be cases where no matter what you do, how hard you pray, how much Eastern and Western medicine you throw out there your patient will still lose it's battle.

The cute little Labradoodle puppy that damn near broke me this week lost his battle against Parvo. I had to be his advocate and say enough was enough. His pain was too great and his body too frail. He placed his little head in my hand and snuggled as I gave him one last injection. I wanted so badly to curl up in that cage with him and forget the world. 

Sometimes it's just too much. Then the next one comes through the door on the edge of death and somehow you gather yourself up and give it your all. This time it works. The 10 month old puppy who was left for dead in a ditch after a car slammed into him is coming around. Thankfully no broken bones but other injuries leave him in critical condition for the following 12 hours.

The little stinker rallies and is able to go home 48 hours later to his loving and very grateful family.

These are the reasons I continue to do what I do and not curl up in a ball and forget the rest of the world.

They're also the reason why I won't stop writing and publishing my stories. Both of my worlds are a part of me. I am not ME without either of them. As soon as I let that sink in, the writer's block crumbled and I'm itching to get back into the worlds of my characters. Of course that means my smart ass self is back to share my thoughts on all things in the veterinary world, publishing, authors helping (and hindering) other authors, and my other passions like food and crafts.

Not Enough Time in the Day was the very first blog I started after Siren Bookstrand agreed to publish my first novel For the Love of Quinn nearly five years ago. In a few short months, the rights to that book will be reverted back to me. I'm thrilled at the prospect as I have plans for that monster sized novel! I'm splitting it into two books and adding scenes back in that had to be cut the first go around. Next year, I'll get the rights back to  The Island (Now and Forever 2). At that point, all of my books will be under my control and I have to tell you it feels wonderful to say that. I'll be forever grateful to Siren for giving me a chance, but it's time I move out on my own with everything.

Speaking of moving on...

The last year I've been the regional relief veterinarian for a group of hospitals here in the Seattle area. They've decided to go in another direction and have offered me a fabulous contract to work full time between two hospitals instead of 13. March 1st is the start of that new venture and one that will give me a set schedule for writing again!

This is the final year I can say "forty something" for my age. It's opened up many hours of reflection for me and going through the posts I've done for my memoirs, I've decided to put it all together in one book to be released at the end of the year to celebrate. The Fat Chick posts will continue. I have too much to say on things to let that go. LOL!

If you've been here before, you may have noticed I've changed the side bars up to include some ad space and links to favorites. Starting this month, I will be offering ad space for sale at the top of each side bar. I'm working on the guidelines and pricing and will have a separate page for the information. You'll be able to find it in the menu tabs at the top when it's ready to go. Payments will be accepted ONLY through Paypal.

The Fat Chick posts, Writer's Words of Wisdom, and veterinary posts will have their own index pages also listed in the menu tabs at the top of the blog. This way you can find them in one spot. Of course, you can always use the new search this blog feature in the left side bar.

I'm off to help the hubby work on his new blog Pint For You And Me. He's featuring everything he knows and wants to know about brewing beer from the home, small breweries and others around the world. 

Until next time,

The Fat Chick (Tammy)

The #FatChick Has Had It with Bullies Disguised as High Maintenance Creatures #MyWANA

You know it's been a heck of a couple of weeks if I'm here again with another post so soon. I've had enough drama to last me a lifetime and beyond and yet I can't tear myself away from it. It's like my favorite Real Housewives shows. I can't stop watching those train wrecks!

The publishing world is no different.

In my last post I talked about the changes with Amazon. Guuuurrrrrrlll! You'd think the world had indeed come to an end and there are still people bitching about it. Now Amazon is fighting back. Those who are the most vocal on social media have had those feeds deleted from their Amazon author pages aaaaannnnnndddd their books "hidden" from the general search feeds.

Ha! Welcome to the world of an author who pens erotica and erotic romance. Every single book we put out is subject to being slapped with the "adult" label and hidden from general searches. So what? All you do to get around that is promote the direct links just like you would for the links for other vendors...

Oh wait. You're exclusive to Amazon and think they'll never do anything to hide your books. You rake in the dough for them so they should bow down at your feet and let you do and say whatever the hell you want. 

Bwahahahahahahaha! Buck up, buttercup! You are NOT all that. Amazon is a business. They were there before you published your erotic shorts and they'll be there long after they ditch the ebook business altogether. All of your whining and crying about Facebook hiding your book links or Amazon burying your books from searches and your complaints that your gravy train of cheating Amazon's royalty system need to STOP. You are NOT the center of anyone's universe other than your own. Amazon, Scribd, Oyster, Barnes and Noble, iTunes, All Romance and any other vendor out there are under no obligation to sell your books.

YOU need them more than they need YOU.

Now some of those "Amazon is Number One" authors who put themselves up as "experts" on sales and rankings are being shown up as the fakes they are. "Best Seller" status doesn't apply to free books. I'm sorry, but giving your books away for free or 99 cents in order to get yourself higher in the rankings does nothing to sustain your career. Putting out 99 cent boxed sets with authors who have hit those USA Today and NY Times best seller lists ON THEIR OWN so that you can then get the same status could be seen as a genius move...until you have to prove you can hit those lists on your own merit.

These authors have preached their hype for so long, they actually believe it themselves and attack their colleagues who choose not to put all their eggs in one basket. We're all supposed to listen and hang on to every single word they say because they talk a good game and make everyone think they're publishing gurus when all they've done is learn how to manipulate the system in order to get the results they want.

What has been done to manipulate the system? Here are a few things but the list is anything but all inclusive

1. Participating in review swaps with other authors. Not so bad in itself if done with one or two other people and everyone actually reads the books. This is not what's being done and those in the swaps are pretty much expecting 4 and 5 star reviews.
2. Kindle Unlimited borrowing program. Groups of authors and their fans have borrowed a book, scrolled through over 10% in order for the author to get full royalty and then returned the book. A few days later, the same book is borrowed again. This ended up boosting the "sales"/borrowed ranking and got the author double (or more) royalty.
3. Sending in street teams to post lower rated reviews for perceived "competition"
4. Creating sock puppet accounts to rate their own books higher and slam "competition"
5. Publishing 10 page booklets/pamphlets in the Kindle Unlimited program so that as soon as the file is opened on the kindle, the royalty is awarded. (this is mute now that Amazon has switched to the pages read system but...)
6. Having your street team, family, friends and group members borrow the book from KU and slowly scroll through the pages to the end, or set the kindle to audible and let it read the book out loud while you do something else.

Smoke and mirrors, people. Smoke. And. Mirrors.

Just this last week, one of my author friends was blasted and called a sell out because she is a hybrid. She self publishes and is also published with well known publishing houses. One of our "friends" took it upon herself to give my friend advice about her career telling her she shouldn't go with a publisher but keep doing everything on her own. She then told my friend that she needed to be a part of some project in order to get more exposure and bring up her rankings.

Well, imagine my surprise when I took a moment to look at the High and Mighty One's book rankings. Each one of them had rankings much lower than my friends and she has less than a third of the books published that my friend has. Color me purple with giggles when the same "Expert" came back and tried to make nice with my friend.

How much do you want to bet Ms. Expert did what I did and actually checked my friends rankings on Amazon...and then maybe she even took a look at some other vendors and found out that my friend could very well know what the fuck she's doing with her career?

Sorry. I had to get that off my chest. It's been stewing for a long time. It all came to a head this week. I've been witness to authors behaving badly toward each other for far too long. There were two incidents that blew me away this week. I mentioned one above concerning Ms. Expert. The second has to do with another well respected author getting in the middle of a disagreement between two others. The whole thing was settled before she got involved. One had decided to cut ties with the other for her own sanity. Not everyone gets along and sometimes friendships must come to an end.

Been there. Done that and all of us survived to go on to bigger and better things.

Well in this case, the "Mediator" took it upon herself to chastise one author while appearing to take the side of the other. There were no sides to take in this other than both parties needed to part ways. Instead of letting it happen, the Mediator made one author feel like shit and pretty much told her that her career could be in jeopardy because of her behavior...behavior that had been grossly exaggerated by others who had no clue what had happened or the history between the two involved.

This is a classic case of a high maintenance author in need of being the center of attention at all times. If it works, more power to her but she has no business demanding that others have to agree with it, nor should she recruit a mutual friend to "make it all better" and cry about being bullied for doing "nothing wrong." 

Sometimes the best thing is to part ways and be done with it. Let it go. You came together for a purpose, learned from each other and now it's time to move on. That's not a bad thing and it sure is hell doesn't give anyone else the right to jump in and demand you remain friends. Why on earth would anyone want a friend to keep up the facade of a friendship after it's soured simply to keep the other part happy? 

By forcing others to do what you want, when you want, without compromise is not simply being high maintenance but the ultimate form of bullying. Using lies and half truths to get others to be on your "side" of a disagreement is manipulative and eventually will come back to bite you in the ass. 

Instead of hanging on to all that drama and negativity, release it out into the Universe. When you do, the weight will be lifted from your shoulders, from your heart and your soul. Live your life and pursue your career the way that will make YOU happy and fulfilled. The only person you have to prove anything to is yourself. Whether you want to continue with personal and business friendships, publish your work yourself, with a publisher or a combination of the two is all on you. No one has the right to dictate to you what will make you happy, so why give them that power?

Until next drama...errrr...time!

~The Fat Chick

The #FatChick Weighs in on Amazon KU Doomsday #MyWANA

Tick. Tick. BOOOOOM!!!

There. Do you feel better now? We're nearing the end of DAY TWO of Amazon's new royalty pay out system for the books borrowed through their Kindle Unlimited program. How many of you have been on your computers wailing, gnashing your teeth and sending out furious hashtag filled tweets across the Internet?

Has the world come to an end for you?

Sorry, but all this craziness is over the top. The program just started up yesterday and there are authors lamenting they'll have to find some other way to get money since their income will be drastically cut.

All based on less than 48 hours of figures. (Click HERE to read a great blog post by Hugh Howey)

Now some want to throw in the towel since they may have to wait an entire month or maybe two to determine if the program will continue to pay them what they've been used to receiving while they've been faithful Amazon exclusive authors. Oh wait, maybe those were some of the hundreds of authors who busted up their novels into ten page pamphlets so that they would get paid the full royalty as soon as the reader opened their files on their Kindle?

If you were one of those authors who deliberately released those shorts, then you have no one but yourself to blame for Amazon's change up. You should NOT have been receiving the same royalty as someone who published a 100 or 200 page novel. You cheated the system and ended up causing Amazon to lose more money than they were already bleeding through their publishing side of their company.

Another group to blame are authors and their publishers who abused the system by having others repeatedly borrow books, scroll through 10% or a more for good measure, then return the book only to turn around in a day or two and borrow the book again. Now the author/publisher is getting double or more of the royalty intended for the "book". Tell me where that practice was ever fair?

With all the barely there "books" in the system, how could Amazon sustain the program as it was? How could authors who take the time to develop beautifully written novellas and novels get a break and be noticed in the sea of crap?

My friend and fellow author Zoey Derrick posted about this very thing within the last hour. Here's the LINK to her post. She'd made the choice to become exclusive to Amazon only a month ago and has decided to give it the full 90 days to see how it works for her and her readers. I think she made a wise decision. Two days of numbers won't give her a good idea of how things pan out. I applaud her for staying in there. She is one of the authors who write FULL length books with fabulous characters and stories that grab you and never let go. She may very well be one of the success stories with this new system because readers will WANT to complete the entire book and Zoey will be paid accordingly.

I gave Amazon exclusivity a go with one of the anthologies and it was not good for me. My readers kept asking when it would be out on Kobo, iTunes, BN and All Romance/Omnilit. I had built up a following there and didn't want to disappoint them. Once my 90 days was up, I pulled it out of Kindle Select and never looked back. That was the best decision for me and all of my pen names.

Subscription services on the surface look great for the consumer. You pay a flat monthly fee and you're able to borrow as many books as you can read. Amazon only let you "check out" ten at a time but once you finished reading any of them, you could send them back and fill those slots again. Well, companies offering these services grossly underestimated the voracious appetites of romance and erotica readers. 

This is why there will be more restructuring...

Scribd just dropped a huge chunk of romance and erotica books from their listings. They couldn't continue to pay the authors the full royalty for books borrowed out of what they were taking in from the subscribers. Unfortunately, instead of reworking and renegotiating the rates, Scribd dropped a shit ton of books angering their distribution partners, authors and readers all in one swoop.

Oyster hasn't listed any of my adult books. At first I thought it was yet another site snubbing the hot stuff, but no. It's all about money. 

Just like with Amazon.

Lesson through all of this is you must treat your writing and publishing as a business. You have to do what's right for you, your brand, and your work. If keeping exclusive to Amazon is what you want...do it but stop bitching. There will be ups and downs. Either ride it out, or get the hell out of dodge. Amazon isn't the only vendor out there. If you spread out, PROMOTE those other sites! don't assume readers will just stumble over your work and you'll take off. It takes work—a hell of a lot of hours of it to get your books in front of readers. If this is what you want to do for a living, then get off your ass and DO IT!

Until next time,
~The Fat Chick

The #FatChick Has Had It with All the Bullies and Their High School Games #KIBJ

Hello all. I'm here this week to talk about something that's pretty much an ongoing issue in the publishing world as well as every day life. Every time we turn around there are stories in the news about kids taking their lives because of nonstop mean, cruel harassment from their classmates. These evil twits use the social media, texts, and phone calls to mercilessly rip another human being to shreds.

Why? Because they feel like it. We can say all we want that the "bullies" have issues with their own self esteem but truth of the matter is these people are just plain mean. They thrive on bringing others down. Our society gives them the attention they crave when they do this crap and reinforces their shitty behavior.

True bullying is rampant in the publishing world too—from authors attacking fellow authors who they feel are "competition" to authors attacking reviewers for daring to not LOVE their books to "reviewers" making it their life mission to shred an author to confetti because they can. It's consuming every inch of the world wide web and you would think there couldn't possibly be room for any more...

Think again.

Now the folks who were bullies before are claiming to be victims now. Every real or imagined slight is now being labeled as an attack by "jealous bullies." Instead of talking it out, insults and threats are tossed out so others can join in on the feeding frenzy. It's damn easy hiding behind a computer screen and attacking a stranger. You can bet your sweet behind the same thing wouldn't happen if the people were face to face.

It's time to take back our power. The lies and half truths being tossed out there don't have to mean squat and they don't have any power over their target/victim if they don't let them. Yes, that's a hell of a lot easier said than done, but shut off the cell phones, shut off the computer, don't get dragged into commenting on "bad" reviews or posts on social media. Don't get into Twitter wars. Just let it all go. 

Only YOU have the power to make it stop. When you publish a book, you have to accept the fact not everyone will adore your work. You are not the Universe's Gift to literature for every man, woman, and child. You may very well be that for some. Celebrate those victories and keep moving on.

Mistakes are made by EVERYONE every single day, sometimes repeatedly. Hell, I'm in that category at least twice a week myself. I can choose to wallow in it, or learn from my mistakes and become a better veterinarian, author, poet, publisher and cover artist. I can become the person I want to be: kind, caring, smart, witty, strong and loving. I'm far from all of that on most days but I'll be damned if I'll stop trying to get there.

True bullying is horrible. Labeling every little slight as a form of bullying is over the top. Shit happens and sometimes there isn't someone out there pulling the strings to make your life miserable. If you are someone who is the victim of bullying, or you think you are definitely TELL SOMEONE. At the very least, talking about it could give you the support you need to find your way out of the dark. You don't need to suffer in silence.

For those real bullies who are now getting a taste of their own "medicine"...

Damn. I really want to say "serves you right!" 


Unfortunately that would bring me down to their level. I have to fight with this every day. As a Wiccan, I strive to "above all do no harm." If I take pleasure in the fall of a bully, I'd be adding to another's pain. It's a horrible dilemma but I can choose not to go down that path. 

I think I'll just let Karma figure it all out...

#KIBJ (you'll find out what this hashtag means soon!)

Until next time, lovelies!
~The Fat Chick

Three Weeks Down and the #FatChick is Loving Life Again #HealthyHabits

Welcome to Not Enough Time in the Day. I'm The Fat Chick and this week I'm sharing my journey to better health and a new me. To help you catch up, I'm a diabetic, on a diuretic for my high blood pressure, obese, stressed out veterinarian, best selling poet and author (under four pen names), and wife to the best husband of this and all life times.

aka Tammy. :)

Here I am three weeks into my program on Sparkpeople.com and I've lost over 18 pounds and 6.5 inches from my body. I'm still building up my stamina for my cardio workouts, but their getting easier with each day that passes. Next month, I'll move on to longer routines. I'm excited about that since the Walk Away the Pounds workouts have always been my favorite and regaining the ability to get through a 5 mile boosted walk in an hour is one of my short term goals. 

My blood sugar levels have stabilized and dropping to below 119 now instead of a whopping 167. Yeah, I know others have much higher levels, but if I would have kept going they way I was going, I would have had to start insulin. I'm afraid of needles so this broad is going to kick her own ass in gear to make sure I never have to get those injections.

Take that, pancreas!








My blood pressure has improved as well and my medium range goal is to get to the point where I don't have to be on it anymore. I tell you it's not fun chugging all the water I have to drink for my program while being a diabetic on a diuretic. Get the picture?

Seriously, I'm enjoying the journey this time around and instead of throwing myself in 1000%, I'm easing myself into it. In the past, I've burned out on it after getting to the 80 pounds lost level and then gained it all back. I don't want it back again. So by making these gradual changes, my hope is to create lifestyle changes that stick with me forever.

So there you go! I'm still hanging in there and moving forward with my plan to reinvent myself. I'm not creating a whole new DIFFERENT person, but simply letting the real me see the light of day again.

Until next time,

The Fat Chick

#FatChick is On the Road to a Healthy LIfestyle

I'm happy to report I've gone back to my old stomping grounds on Sparkpeople.com to help me on my journey to regain my health. For those of you who don't know about it, Sparkpeople.com is a FREE site that offers all you need in order to find a healthier you. There are trackers for your weight, food, exercise, water intake and so much more. You can join groups for support and you can be as active in them as you wish, or stay on lurker status. It's all up to you. They have free videos you can watch to help with your exercise program, inspiration, recipes...and so much more.

All for free.

I found the site in 2008 after joining BiggestLoser.com. I had to pay for that one but found everything I needed and more on Sparkpeople for free. I could use their meal plans or simply enter my own food as I went. I didn't have to purchase any special equipment or join a gym. Everything I need to workout is already in my home. Of course I did get some new videos, body bands and weights to change things up a bit, but it was a small investment and I have everything with me now.

It's been five years since I was on Sparkpeople full time and I really missed it. I was worried that I would have issue with my crazy schedule getting everything I did and ate during the day into my trackers before I went to bed. Lucky for me, they have a free app for my phone. I can enter everything I do throughout the day and keep up with my progress.

I'm happy to report after two weeks I'm down 16 pounds. While that seems like a lot for two weeks, most of it came off because I cut down the snacking and junk food and cut out soda/pop for the first week. I did have one small bottle of coke yesterday but it took me several hours to drink it. LOL! Only a month ago I would have downed four of those small bottles in the same time period.

I had a flareup of gout arthritis in my big toe so I hadn't been able to jump right into the cardio workouts I picked out, but this week I'm gearing up to start again. I love the Walk Away the Pounds work outs and the free videos on the website. I have so many things to choose from that I know I'll be able to change things up and not get bored.

I've learned that if I go to fast and furious with the workouts in the beginning, I burn out on them later when I need them the most. I'm determined to make this lifestyle change a permanent part of my routine. I'm not stupid. I know there will be bumps in the road again, but with my husband's help, I'll get through those and keep on the right path. We have so much we want to do together and I for one can't wait to get rolling!

See you all around next time,

~The Fat Chick

Wake Up Calls and Heartbreak for the #FatChick #cancersucks

Hello all,

It's with a very heavy heart that I write today. An author who inspired me to keep following my dreams with all four of my pen names and continue self publishing with Sassy Vixen, left the world this week.

Brit Blaise (aka Judi Thoman) fought cancer and won the first time it entered her life, but the second time blindsided her. She fought hard and soldiered on during the battle, continuing to write and share the posts of other authors through social media. Finally her body could take no more and she moved on to the next chapter. Now she's free of the pain and never has to battle fucking cancer again.

Sorry. Normally I don't let the swear words fly on this blog but I'm pissed. It's not fair someone can win their battle against breast cancer only to have it thumb it's nose at her and come back with a vengeance. It seems to me there are more than enough people for this nasty group of vicious killers to attack. Why does it have to go for seconds or even thirds?

I know that sounds morbid and that if it wasn't Brit, someone else would be attacked. Well why not some of these evil shits who take great pleasure in causing others grief? Why does Cancer have to bulldoze it's way into the lives of caring, loving, people?

Where is Karma? When someone gives so much back to her peers why did she have to go out this way? Where was her reward for paying it forward and reminding people to live every day as if it could be their last and follow their dreams wherever they may lead? Where is her kudos for going through hell and back the first time?

Losing Brit has brought back so many of the memories and emotions I went through losing my dad in 2005 to Non Hodgkin's Lymphoma. He braved through EIGHTEEN rounds of chemo and the original tumors continued to grow. He did everything right. He quit smoking nearly thirty years before his diagnosis. He was physically fit, a retired Marine, and worked for the local police department. At the same time he developed his own company and traveled for speaking engagements. He was the last person you would think cancer would strike down...

#fuckcancer

A year after his death, my uncle (Dad's brother) was diagnosed with Acute Myelogenous Leukemia. Our family had to go through it all over again, but this time the cancer was knocked back and my uncle is still in remission.


I have had a lump in my breast for several years now. I've had it checked out multiple times and it remains benign. The last mammogram confirmed it too. My doctor has suggested additional testing for myself and my other family members since there is breast cancer and others on both sides of the family. Up until now I've been reluctant to pursue it. With the loss of Brit and several other author friends dealing with various types of cancer, I've changed my mind.

I've finally found my happily ever after with my husband Liam and I'll be damned if I'm going to miss out on any moment of it because I'm too scared to find out the full extent of my health issues. I owe it to him to be tested and more importantly, I owe it to myself not to be cheated out of my life because I waited too long to be diagnosed. I'm setting up my doctor appointments for the coming weeks and taking charge of my life. Enough hiding!

Until next time,

~"The Fat Chick"