Friday, July 22, 2011

Common Sense Isn't all the Common

      Ever have one of those days where you just want to shake people and yell, "What have you been smoking?"  As a veterinarian I have had the "pleasure" of experiencing those moments many times through the years.  My favorite has always been about a patient I had when I still lived and practiced in Michigan.  The adorable terrier puppy was brought in one day for a tick removal.  I went into the exam room and asked where the ticks were as I could not find one on his wiggly body. 
      The puppy's "Mom" looked at me like I was from outer space.  "Well, they are all along his belly.  Don't you see them?"  She then proceeded to point out the rows of nipples along his abdomen.
      "Those are not ticks.  They are nipples."
      "No, he can't have nipples.  He is a boy."
      This is where her husband finally pipes up.  "Honey, I am a boy and I have nipples."
      The poor woman burst into tears and hugged her dog tight.  I thought  she was just embarrassed and tried to calm her a bit, but she sobbed even harder.  "You don't understand!  I've been trying to twist them off for the last two days!" 

Ah, the memories are flowing now...
      The answering service paged me at two am.  Lucky me, it was my night on call.  One of my clients was hysterical on the phone.  She had tried to bathe her cat and now he was covered in blood and the owner couldn't find where it was coming from.
      "Mrs. Green, why were you trying to bath Smokey?"  I was still a bit groggy and needed her to give more information before I agreed to meet her down at the clinic.
      "Well, you told me he had fleas when we saw you for his appointment this afternoon.  I wanted to get rid of the fleas.  I couldn't stop thinking about them crawling all over him and me."
       "We put the flea medication on him today.  You didn't have to bathe him.  The medication would kill all the fleas and as long as you keep applying it monthly, you will help keep Smokey from getting more."
       "Where's all the blood coming from?"  I could see her near panic, with her hair in curlers and ready to jump in the car in a flash if I told her to do so.
      "Remember the demonstration today with the flea comb?"
      "Yes."
      "And how the white paper towel turned bloody red when I put the water on the flea dirt from the comb?"
       "Yes, but what's that got to do with Smokey?"  I waited a few extra beats and then heard a sharp intake of breath on the other end of the line.  "Oh, so the water made all the fleas explode?"     LOL

Here's another one for you...
       "Mr. Avery, you really should have Knuckles neutered soon.  He is getting old enough to breed and may decide to take a liking to Gemma."
       "He wouldn't do that.  Gemma is his Momma."
       "It doesn't matter to the dogs, Mr. Avery.  When Gemma is in heat, Knuckles will be very interested."
       "She won't let him breed her.  She's his Momma.  That's incest and she knows better."
       Four months later, Gemma is in the clinic for X-rays.  "Well, there are at least five puppies in there.  Which male did she breed with this time?"  I had a good idea, but kept my face neutral. 
       "I have no idea, Doc.  Ain't been no other dog around but Knuckles.  He ain't been with her that way.  He's her son!"  No matter how I tried to explain it, he wouldn't believe me.  When the pups were born and all looked like Knuckles, Mr Avery was still dumbfounded.  "Well, the Good Lord must have heard that I wished I had a few more pups like Knuckles and he granted me my wish with an Immaculate Conception." 


How many times have you been in the airport behind someone who simply refuses to read the gazillion signs posted throughout the airport about what is allowed and what is not allowed in a carry on bag?
      "I'm sorry but you cannot have the super sized bottle of shampoo and conditioner in your carry on bag.  You can only have three ounce containers."
      "I have always been able to bring these with me when I fly.  Why wasn't I informed of this?"
      "It's been a regulation since 2001.  When was the last time you flew?"
      "1979."

Or the woman who insisted on wearing shoes that laced all the way up her leg and couldn't understand why she had to take them off to go through security? 
       "I'm sorry, miss.  You will have to remove your shoes and put them in the bin to go through the X-ray."
       "Do you have any idea how long it took me to get these laced up properly?  I'm not taking them off."
       "I can't allow you to go any further unless you remove your shoes and put them in the bin to be scanned."
       "I paid $300 for these shoes.  I am not letting them out of my sight."
       "Well, you and your shoes can head over to the security area to your right.  If you are lucky, you may make the next flight out to your destination." 

I know I am not the only one with my laptop out of it's case and in a separate bin to go through the x-ray unit, my shoes and coat off and my ID and boarding pass out, but why the hell am I always stuck behind those people who don't?   Finally, why do people who have seats in the back of the plane always try to store their luggage in the bins in the front of the plane?  I am thinking that there should be an electric shock given to those people when they try to use a bin over a seat that is not assigned to them.  A good shock and an announcement.  "Mr. David Johnson has brought on a carry on bag that is too big for the over head bins and has tried to put it in an area where it is not allowed.  What do we think of that folks?"

A little public shaming never hurt anyone did it?  LMAO

What are some of your experiences where Common Sense is not so common? 

4 comments:

  1. Love your website!! Can't wait until your book comes out!

    I had a funny conversation with a first grade student several years ago that went something like this:

    Kid: What did you do to your hair? It's awful![His eyes wide with horror!]
    Me: I colored it back to the natural color I'm suppose to be--brown. [My voice is reasoning.]
    Kid: Nope. I saw you all year--you're a blonde! [Arms are crossed and his lip is out far.]
    Me: No, that was a fake color I put in because I wanted to try it for a while.
    Kid: Well, you need to fake it some more...because that brown color in your hair isn't real. You're a blonde; I know. I saw you all year.[He walks off while the little girls in the class roll their eyes and giggle.]

    Needless to say, my husband had someone, a little someone, on his side of the argument!

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  2. Too funny Beth! I had similar experiences with my hair color and the folks in my life. I have been bleach blonde...really white to dark brown. My natural color is somewhere in between. I have the same issue with people wanting me to grow my hair out long again. Nope! It's staying short the way I like it! LOL Lucky for me my special someone/muse loves my short hair with or without blonde highlights.

    Kids always say the best things. I had one little girl get all upset that I was going to give her dog a "kennel cough" shot. She thought the vaccine was going to cause the dog to cough so much that he had to stay in a kennel and not sleep on her bed anymore! LOL

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  3. Fun blog, Tammy! I don't have a common sense comment, but your discussion about hair and husbands made me think.

    The other day we were looking at old photos and came across one when we were dating (1986)--my husband says, "I think you should do your hair like that again. It was so sexy." Um, yeah. My hair was frosted, long and kinky--the Madonna look. Okay on a 20 year old in the 80s, not so attractive on a forty-something in 2011. What is it about men and long, blonde hair? LOL

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  4. Thanks, Rebecca!

    I don't know what it is with men and long hair. I agree that long and blonde was the consensus from the men in my life for a long time, but then those same men loved it long and brown. So maybe it's just the long hair sort of thing. One of them told me that he loved to fantasize about pulling my hair during sex. I asked him "what's stopping ya?" LOL

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