Saturday, August 6, 2011

The "D" word: how your life can begin again after divorce

      Less than three years ago I was in a deep depression and thinking that I had nowhere to go and no one to turn to to help me get through it.  I felt lost and alone.  I had failed at yet another relationship but I wasn't ready to admit that to myself, let alone admit that my marriage was actually over before our third anniversary.  I was determined to keep trying, to find some way to stay married and keep the friendship going at the very least.  It wasn't working, and I was miserable.
      I put up with the neglect and kept making excuses.  Not that he was physically abusive, but mentally I was being torn down.  He never said mean or cruel things, but it was more like I was an afterthought.  My wants and needs were ignored.  Like a child, he was more into fulfilling his own needs than mine or working on our marriage.  Sure I got all the promises to try harder, to make our marriage more of a partnership, but once a day or two went by, it went back to the "benign neglect"and I was left to fend for myself.
      Finally after six years I reached my breaking point.  I wanted out.  I realized that I had to take care of me for once, but damn was I scared!  How the hell was I going to make it on my own in California where the cost of living is so high and you need two incomes to survive?  Should I stay here or move back home to Michigan where all of my friends and family lived?  I worried about him too.  Would he be able to take care of himself and make it on his own?  Because of those worries, I kept delaying filing for divorce. All that did was make it harder to break free for the both of us.
      During the last two years I was working on and off on my first erotic romance For the Love of Quinn.  I poured my heart and soul into it, spilling all of my sorrows and yes sharing my fantasies.  I told the story of how I wanted my life to turn out, how I would find my happily ever after.  The day I received the notice from the court that they officially recognized our legal separation date, I received word from a publisher that they wanted to publish my "baby."  I had gone through hell and back and now I was going to live my dream!
      Today I met someone who was also going through the divorce process.  Just three short weeks ago her husband told her he wanted out.  She said fine with her, but inside she was reeling.  How would she make it on her own?  Would she lose the house or suffer in other areas financially?  In her eyes, I saw the anxiety and fear that I had felt for all of those years.  There was no way I was going to sit back and let her doubt her decision.  I told her a bit of my story and by the end of it, she was smiling and told me she had renewed hope.  She could begin her life again and it would be even better.
      Yes we can!  Divorce is not a dirty word in our cases, but the beginning of a whole new world for both of us.  I wish her all the love and happiness that life can bring and the freedom to enjoy it all to the fullest.  Lady Fate has bestowed those very same blessings onto me.  I can see my path in front of me and look forward to exploring every single part of it!


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