Wednesday, January 16, 2013

#WWoW: How to Get Even With The Mean Girls (and Boys)

Now that I have your attention...hehehe

Welcome back to Not Enough Time in the Day and this week's Writer's Words of Wisdom. It's been a while since I've posted for our group of fabulous writers because of the holidays and some other personal issues. Some of those issues are why I chose this particular topic.  I've written about not forgetting "me" time, about not quitting your day job to become a full time writer without a plan in place, and how to use reviews and other criticisms as a way to improve your craft but not get you down.  I've had to deal with all three of these topics over the last two months for myself and with a few friends, and let me tell you, it's not been easy. Some of it has been downright overwhelming and has led me away from what I really want to do. WRITE.

I've had to defend my choice to write erotic romance more times than I ever thought other AUTHORS. Sure I expected a bit of ribbing from family and friends for writing "smut," but to have fellow writer's slam me and my friends for our chosen genres was disheartening to put it mildly.  Just yesterday an author who claims to write "classy erotica" decided that she didn't want to do a guest spot on another blog because it was currently featuring a particular author who along with the rest of her "group" write "blatant smut."  When told that she obviously wasn't a good fit for the blog, this self absorbed author kept stating that she had published over 17 books and basically implied that we all should feel special that she "chose" to share her work with us on the blog.

Another author friend is giving up writing short stories all together. Why? First of all, they are not that easy to do. You need to come up with a hook, plot, and conclusion in a limited number of words. So far every short she's written, there has been one person who complains that the story wasn't long enough. In fact, there were a group of these reviewers tearing down many short stories on Amazon and Goodreads simply because the stories were too short. Huh? Isn't the whole point of a short story is that it's short?

On another of my blogs, we've opened it up for guest spots with specific days for guests and four days for those of us who own the blog. Unfortunately, there is usually at least one or two folks who don't read the guidelines and request dates that aren't up for guests, or start making demands for how and when they will agree to be a guest. Agree to be our guest? Hmmmm...I don't recall soliciting specific people to be on the blog. We just opened it up and told people if they were interested give us a shout. Once again we were privy to the "you should be grateful that I want to grace your blog with my presence" rant. Oy!

Two more of my author friends were attacked maliciously by women's church groups. They were accused of  being the cause of everything from the loose morals of this country to the reason there are so many teenage pregnancies. Yes you read that right.  Writing about two consenting adults...okay one or more of them could be vampires...having consensual sex was the cause of the downfall of this country. Writing about sex outside of marriage was a sin and all of the books that glamorized this immoral act needed to be destroyed. Yeah, these very same comments from women lined up around the block for the Fifty Shades books. :)

How do you get through all of this without exploding?

That's where I had trouble. I'm not one to sit back and keep quiet when someone I care about is being treated poorly. I want to lash out and make the offending person or thing hurt as much as they hurt my friend.  Is that the right thing to do? Of course not, but it didn't stop me from thinking up ways to get even...some way. Some how I would get even.  Bwahahahaha!

That's right. I wrote about it. The really angry stuff stayed in my journals, but I did take some of my concerns to my Facebook pages and found I wasn't the only one dealing with this stuff. There were so many more people frustrated with all the mean spirited people out there. Another of my author friends shared a link with me that gave the best advice on how to handle these things.  Click HERE and take a few minutes to see the secret.  Go on. I'll wait for you.

Got it? Read on!

How DO you get even with with the Mean Girls?

Keep writing. That's right. Just like the blog article from The Write Practice laid out for you in black and white. Write until you can't write any more and then write even more. As fellow WWoW member Lacey Wolfe wrote last week, with this day and age of social media it can be quite easy to let the tirades fly. I'm just as guilty of that as anyone...maybe more so. I do have separate accounts for that reason, but with that being said, I am who I am. I am lucky enough that I don't have to hide myself or my views from the people I work with or my employer. The best thing for any of us to do is to turn it all into plot points of our books! 

An author, editor, reviewer or reader just making your life miserable? Make them a character in a new book idea or your current work in progress. That person who was "holier than thou" and said your last cover was just selling pornography because to him it looked like the couple could actually have sex while dressed? Go ahead and  make him the owner of a new restaurant that was panned by food critics on it's opening night. That reader on Goodreads who rated your first book 2 stars simply because it wasn't about man love? Make her the villain in your next book who finally gets caught with her fingers in the till and is carted off by the Feds for insider trading.

See what I mean?  Now have I ever written about people who've done me wrong? You better believe it honey! Will I continue to do so? hehehehe  You'll just have to read my books to see if you can figure out who's who. ;)

Final Words

Go ahead and do the exercise outlined in The Write Practice blog post. Take fifteen minutes and just write about the person who criticized your writing or attacked you personally. Make them get their "just desserts." It's really a freeing experience and just maybe you will have the basis for yet another short story or longer novel. 

Above all else, you are a writer. WRITE! Show the world you are not just that flash in the pan. Take the constructive criticism to heart to make your writing even better. Don't let real life get in the way of that. That's what I had to deal with the last few months. Between my own health issues and that of my husband, I've had very little time to write...check that. I've given myself very little time to write. 

I forgot to give myself permission to have "me" time. I got all caught up in the whirlwind of the holidays, promoting my books, those of my friends and the stress of my evil day job that I put my passion on hold. No more. It's a new year and time to make the one and only resolution that means a damn.

Come on. We can do this. It's a big step and the most important one we can take. Ready? 

Would you like more pearls of wisdom this fine Wednesday? Here are the other fabulous participating authors from WWoW. You can also join us on Facebook. See you there!

A Smart & Savvy Group of Authors who write a weekly feature for their blog -Writer's Words of Wisdom- each Wednesday. The goal is to impart what we've learned about writing, editing, getting published, book promotion, and more along the way.


  1. Great post Tammy. And what you said is so true. My first published work is a short story and no one is reading it because its short. Writing it was the hardest thing I've ever done. I'm proud of it but it seems that no one else cares. *sigh*

    I'm an owner of a review site and when I started the shout out that my first story was being published, I didn't expect a parade with roses and drinks for everyone but I also didn't expect the backlash that a reviewer can't write a book. Huh?

    Reviewers are writers. We write about a 500 word review on the book that an author has penned for out enjoyment. As a reviewer, I write about 2k or more each week. Now, I know that doesn't sound like much to an author but we do have to know "how" to write. We don't have editors red marking our words but we do have to self edit our work.

    I loved the other post too. Thanks for the link.

    Marika Weber w/a Harlie Wiliams

  2. Wow! Tons of info! Great blog post!

  3. Thanks,guys! I've been running around all day and setting up a blog and social media for another of my alter egos/pen names. Whew! I'm starting to feel a bit like Sybil here! LOL

    Marika, I've just started posting my own reviews myself. It's hard work and the pressure is incredible. You want to be honest and give the author criticism that will help them improve, but I've had a hell of a time posting anything less than 3 1/2 stars. I don't want to crush anyone's spirit. It's a huge responsibility and I thank you for helping readers and authors alike find books they will love. I can't understand why there would be a backlash against a reviewer for writing a book. It's not like you have to be one or the other. You keep writing girly!

    Lacey, I want to thank you again for your post last week. As you know, I have a smart mouth and I have to keep reminding myself to keep it in check. If I didn't, I am sure I would be banned from any and all social media. LOL


Wildfire Romance Series